Our Fourth of July was very relaxing and uneventful, just the way I like it. I just had my siblings, their spouses and kids, and my aunt and uncle(my mom's sister), over for a cook-out. I usually invite a lot more people over when I have parties, I think we needed to be together, just us. I like to invite my kid's Godparents to the parties, it's important to me that my kids know who they are. If you were to ask any of my kids who their Godparents were, they could tell you. They could also tell you all the others too! Sherry and Evan were the only ones to stay for the fireworks. We usually go to North Beach to watch them, this year we found a place much closer to home, and NO SAND (I am usually finding sand for days after we go to the beach!) We took our lawn chairs and a blanket, so everyone could be comfortable, and found a nice spot to sit down. In front of us there were blankets and chairs set up, but no one ever came and sat down so Robbie and Noah made themselves comfortable. During the fireworks Robbie made it a point to come up to me and tell me, "Some of those "BOOMS" aren't fireworks, they're my FARTS!!!" After sharing with me he then went and sat back down, I could not stop laughing, and when I told Sherry she couldn't stop either. For some reason lately, he feels the need to share this information with me whenever the need arises, and that has been quite often!***As I wave my hand in front of my face!***
I have been thinking of my mom a lot lately, I think it's because the flowers have become so beautiful. She is the influence behind all of my flowers around the house, she even sat outside and told me how to plant them. All the years I lived at home I never once helped plant the flowers, and there were many. I didn't want to get my hands dirty, it totally grossed me out. My mom loved it, she loved the feel of the earth in her hands. I grabbed one of my patio chairs and brought it to the front so she could sit down and watch. I must admit, it was a very enjoyable afternoon. After we were done she would sit in the rocking chair by my computer and just look at them. Everyday she would tell me, wait until next week, they are really going to bloom. She never saw how beautiful they are, in fact she was afraid that some of them might not make it. In one of the places I planted there is a lot of sun, she made the comment that it may be too hot for them there. After she passed away, I really wasn't up to taking care of the flowers, it hurt too much. Well, it showed, they started to wilt and not look so good. I thought to myself, she would be so mad right now because I was neglecting beauty. I went outside and pulled all the weeds that had started growing, and I have faithfully watered them everyday since. They are gorgeous!!! I can't help to think my mom has something to do with that, because I am not a flower kind of gal, or should I say, I never used to be a flower kind of gal!!!! One day I mowed the lawn, weed whacked, watered the flowers, and dug up dandelions from the yard. It took me all afternoon, but I must say, it looked very nice!! I went in the house and complained to my mom how long it took me to do everything. She told me she had been watching me and I couldn't fool her anymore, she saw the pride I took in making my yard look nice. It really is a wonderful feeling of accomplishment when I look at my yard and my flowers and they look soooooo awesome!!!
We are fast approaching the time of year that was so terribly difficult a year ago. I am once again having a hard time getting to sleep, and often wake up with the tv still on. I can't relax at night without some noise, so I turn on the tv and start to wind down. I usually turn off the tv when I feel sleepy, not lately. I know this is normal, especially since my mom, and it being this time of year. I was told that what I felt and went through a year ago, I will feel once again. It may also be harder for me the second year, why?, I have no clue. I received a handout in the mail from Rainbow Hospice, the people who cared for Peter at the end, and the only thing it said was, if the death was unexpected I would feel those things. Which, I think it most certainly was! I will be thinking about all that life has given me, and also taken away. I will be strong and not let it get the best of me, but there are days when I just want to say, "What the h***?"
Times are getting tough.
Until next time-