Last week was a lot harder than I imagined it would be, I'm doing okay now. I truly was not expecting myself to be any different than I have been this past year, but I was. I had no energy to do anything except watch TV, I did some housework, but not much. I did a ton of reminiscing, and looking back at a year ago. Someone asked me if it felt like this year flew by and I said yes and no. There were times when I couldn't believe how time was flying, and other times when time seemed to stand still. If I were to stay feeling this way, I would sink into a deep depression, and that just can't happen. I have gotten up and brushed myself off, I cleaned the house today, and am finally feeling some motivation. I have thanked Peter for giving me six beautiful kids, and for the time we spent together, I have also thanked God for these same things. Now it's time to move on and start the next chapter in my life, I pray it will be as rewarding and fulfilling as it has been in the past. Peter was, and always will be the love of my life, a piece of my heart lives with him in heaven. I am putting a patch on my heart in hopes that it will heal and find love again. I'm definitely not looking forward to being "out there" again, it was so painful the first time around. Let's hope I have learned some valuable lessons and can avoid some of that dating pain.
I bet you have been wondering how my class reunion went! The turn out was terrible, but we still had fun!! My friend Carmen is the life of the party, so anytime I'm out with her, I have a good time. I did catch up with old friends, it was so nice to see them again. I must admit, I had a bit too many, especially since I haven't really partied since my wedding. Boy, was I feeling it the next morning!!! I woke up saying, "Now I know why I don't drink! Never again!!" Isn't that what everyone says the next day? We seem to forget what we say and still do it again anyway. I did lose a good friend the night before the reunion, Kenny, our DJ, was in a motorcycle accident and was killed. I had the biggest crush on him when I was 21, he was the DJ at the bar we went to, we clicked right away. Nothing ever happened between us, we remained friends throughout the years. He married a wonderful girl and had three boys. We didn't keep in touch on a regular basis, but when we did run into each other it was as if we just talked the day before. It was such a nice feeling to have a friend like that, someone I knew I could count on if I ever needed anything. I was sooooo looking forward to seeing him at the reunion, it wasn't the same without him. I think him passing away so close to Peter's one year blindsided me, and that's why I'm not doing as well as I thought.
All of the kids are doing fine, they are looking forward to school starting, especially Katie. She asks me everyday when does school start because she is ready to be a Kindergartner. Katie is also counting down the days until High School Musical 2 is on the Disney Channel. Everyday she informs all of us on how many days are left, it's like this huge announcement and she needs every one's attention! Tomorrow we are off to Children's Hospital in Milwaukee so Helen can be hooked up to a Holter Monitor for 24 hours. It monitors her heart rate and any discrepancies with the pumping of her heart. She was hooked up to one once before and there were no issues, this is just a precaution, nothing to worry about. While we are there I'm dropping off a form at her tummy doctor, in order for her to receive a gluten free diet at school, the doctor needs to sign a form. When we return the monitor she will be getting blood drawn to check her thyroid. I didn't want her to get stuck while wearing the monitor, in case it raises her heart rate. We have a 9:00am appointment, which means I have to get six kids up, dressed, and out of the door by 8:00am!!! Wish me luck! Our bedtime schedule has been screwed up since the beginning of the summer, we need to get back on track, especially with school starting soon. Wish me luck on that one too!!!!!
I want to thank my family for supporting me during this very difficult year. My friends, those who were there for me all year, and those who are finding their way back. I still need the support, so don't think just because I made it through the first year I will be okay. I feel every loss that much more because of the significant losses I have been dealt this past year. I am still healing.
Doing much better than a few days ago.
Until next time-