I have come to the conclusion that my expectations of my friends is too high. I always felt that my friends would do as I would in the same situation, I have realized that I was wrong. If the tables were turned, I know I would be there for any of my friends. My mom told me life would be different as a widow, people treat you differently. I never imagined that would include my good friends. Maybe I should start at the beginning so you get a better understanding of where I'm coming from.
Since Peter died my friends have disappeared on me, there is no other way to describe it. I hardly ever hear from any of them, phone, e-mail, nothing! It's as if I don't exist, because if I did, then they would have this dark cloud hanging over them. I know everyone deals with death in their own way, but can't they see that I'm dealing with a much greater loss than they are? If they break all ties with me then it's as if it never happened, where I can never get away from it. Believe me, there are definitely days when I wish it never did happen. Over the months I have shrugged it off and just chalked it up to everyone being busy with their lives. On Saturday, as you all know, I had a birthday party that was also a St. Patrick's Day dinner for Robbie. The invitations specifically read RSVP regrets only by 3/14, as of that day I had one regret, my mom.(She is doing very well and is hoping to get out of the hospital sometime this week. She will either go to a pulmonary rehab, or come to stay with me so I can take care of her until she is able to breathe easier.) I was expecting anywhere from 25-30 people, so I bought 8 corned beefs, 6 heads of cabbage, 5 lbs. of carrots, and 10 lbs. of potatoes. I had 10 people show up, with 2 phone calls of regret. I cooked all day, I made 3 Irish Soda Breads, I had the refrigerator stocked with drinks, and I had a big cake. I don't know what people were thinking, and I can't say what I was thinking! Thank goodness it didn't phase Robbie in the least, he still had a good birthday thanks to the family and my one friend who did show up. If Peter were here he would have said, "It's their loss, they missed out on a fantastic meal." He wouldn't let it bother him, so I'm trying to be more like him in this instance.
We had our first family picture taken this evening without Peter, that was hard on me. Every year we would have a new photo taken with the newest member of the family, Christmas 2005 was our last photo. I think it turned out nicely, it is for the church directory but I will get a free 8x10. Helen got her haircut for the occasion, she certainly looks more mature, it is a very cute style on her. I was very proud of her, she stood where the photographer told her to, and she didn't move. The doctor called me on Thursday, her thyroid levels are a bit high, they think it could be due to the fact that they just increased her dose. She has to go back in 4 weeks so they can recheck it. I have to keep an eye out for abnormal behavior on her part, much more energy, restless sleeping, kind of like she is hyper. They will then decrease the dose because then she will be getting too much. I always hate when they change the dose because then you have to go back and get rechecked, which means another poke. Helen just fell out of bed, she hasn't done that in ages, I'm thinking we are going to have to call the doctor tomorrow, I want to check with her teacher and see if they see a change in her.
Until next time-