October is Down Syndrome Awareness Month
I didn't write a blog last week because I had a health scare and wasn't in the right frame of mind. I went to the doctor last Wednesday for my yearly check up, I was doing fine, just a little tired(that's a given!). When I heard the word CANCER come from her mouth, I stopped listening, my brain couldn't process anything else. It was like the teacher on the Charlie Brown specials, "Wawawawa wawa wa..." I started thinking back to when Peter was diagnosed and all he went through. I was thinking of my kids and how this would devastate them. They have all come such a long way, especially Katie. Even though the doctor told me it was a very rare cancer and she wanted to run the test just to rule it out, I freaked out. My luck hasn't been that good lately, so I just knew I would have it, bone marrow cancer. I walked out of that office in a daze, how could this be happening? Didn't God know I had a free pass to life? He already took Peter, how could he take me too and leave our kids with no parents. Reality smacked me in the face, no, I don't have a free pass to life, no one does. We never know what's going to happen to each and every one of us day to day. Peter was a perfect example of that, he was the healthiest person I ever knew, and now he's gone...CANCER. I didn't tell anyone the news, I didn't want them to worry. I know a lot of people worry about me everyday and I didn't want to make it worse. They too would think of the kids, those wonderful kids who have been through so much already. It was exhausting to go through the day with this on my mind and not be able to react for fear of someone asking, "What's wrong?", especially the kids. I finally called Sherry after the kids were in bed and confided in her. I could feel some of the weight of this information fall from my shoulders and onto hers (sorry Sherry), I needed that. It was a very long week-end, since the results didn't come back on Friday, I would have to wait until Monday. We went to church, I didn't feel like it, I was a bit angry. I'm glad we did. We sit in the family room, otherwise known as the "cry room", the vestibule is right next door. Father John always has people in there with him, talking to him before Mass. On this day, he did not, I was a bit surprised. I went in and spoke to him briefly about what was going on and asked him to say an extra prayer for me. He told me to take good care of myself, to have faith that it would all work out, and that it was okay to be angry. I felt much better after talking with him, probably because in my mind, prayers from priests are heard above the average person's prayers. My faith got me through the toughest time in my life, it had to get me through this. I wasn't very motivated this past week-end, we had beautiful weather, that helped lift my spirits a bit.
On Monday I waited patiently for my phone to ring, the morning was very quiet. I couldn't wait any longer, I called the doctor's office. I was told the office was out to lunch so I left a message. I finally heard from them after the kids came home from school(it was a long day!). No sign of Cancer, everything was fine...WHEW, a huge sigh of relief, I cried. I shared my news with the two people I confided in, they too were very relieved. Once my head was cleared and it sunk in that I would be okay, I started thinking of all the people who aren't as lucky to hear the words, "No Cancer". My thoughts and prayers are with every person who is somehow touched by cancer. Whether you are a cancer survivor, or battling it now, taking care of someone who is going through treatment, or have lost a loved one to it, I am thinking of you. My heart goes out to you all, and I am hoping there is a good ending to your stories too. I learned a valuable lesson in all of this, I am not exempt from becoming ill, even though I am a single parent, it can still happen to me.
Until next time-
PS- in case your wondering, my alternator is finally fixed and the car is running fine!(I just jinxed myself, quick...knock on wood!!)